A TIME-TRAVEL POSTCARD…

(c) Theolonius McTavish 2009. All rights reserved.

Seeking a spot of serenity somewhere in the universe, I recently booked a deep-discount dodgy berth on the ‘White Elephant Express Space Shuttle’, to a little known place in a galaxy far, far away.

“IT” (otherwise known as HD 36405.b) is not your average “oddball” exo-solar planet made of rock that wobbles on its end and zips around a nearby star in less than 2.46 days.

Most linear thinkers have a great deal of difficulty even comprehending why on earth anyone in their “right mind” would be interested in visiting a planet called “IT”. Not being a linear thinker with an investment in the “right” answer, I didn’t give a hoot. After all, what does one (who walks on water and listens to miffed mortals all day long) do for a frigging night off, now I ask you?

If truth be told, (after reading random excerpts from “The Itty Bitty Bunkum Book About Life, the Universe and Practically Everything Under the Sun Not To Mention Stuff Going On In Remote Galaxies), I was simply delirious. According to its noted author, Dr. Jarn Leffer, “IT is a ’must-see’ for those with little time on their hands and a passionate interest in Innocuous Things.”

As planets go, “IT” is a pretty ho-hum celestial pit-stop with perhaps one exception… the welcome notice that reads, “Cosmic Cowboys – Welcome to the furthest unexplored outreaches of the Galaxy … Home to the Flop Fairy and Oodles of Gadflies!”

“IT” is populated by colonies of giggling, green grasshoppers . What else would you expect to inhabit a far-flung, fantasy-challenged hellhole like this? But, what made “IT” strictly speaking a strange place was the fact that the inhabitants munch on green, biodegradable garbage bags just for fun. Lacking masticating capabilities, the gadflies process their food by vigorously jumping up and down on it. No wonder they have no need for fast-food franchises, strip malls or landfills!

Anyway, I picked up this picturesque postcard of the blessed ballyhooing buglugs. They look perfectly happy but don’t be deceived. In reality, they’re just a gang of glad-handing grasshoppers. They don’t play golf, eat burgers, or drink beer — and none can frost a rock! Come to think of it, apart from the company of bugs and the elusive flop fairy, this pathetic planet has precious little going for IT!!

To put “IT” bluntly, life on “IT” is just shy of a tittynope*. The jolly green grasshoppers and the carefully manicured green fairways with sand traps as far as the eye can see certainly make for an utterly harmless world. Regrettably, without a pair of golf clubs, a dimpled white ball, and the notion that 19th hole even exists on this planet — ”IT” is about as fun as bag of toads!

Life Lesson 42: Remember to talk to your travel agent before ever embarking on a flight of fancy to a planet called “IT” in a galaxy named “Have-a-Nice-Day”!!

__________

*”Tittynope” for you whiffling word-peckers means “a small quantity of anything left over”.

If you want to know what those green, glad-handing grasshoppers from “IT” look like — ask any four-year old, or failing that request some help from a Flying Saucer Club member.

About the Author

Theolonius McTavish is a somewhat spaced-out time-traveller (of minor relevance and importance in the great scheme of things). When not probing odd things happening somewhere in the depths of the universe, he enjoys chinwagging with all manner of merry folk at www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com

Written by: Theolonius McTavish

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Sending
User Review
0/10 (0 votes)

Related Posts

  • 55
    Planning a golf vacation? Don’t forget to protect your golf clubs by choosing the right golf travel bag. How do you choose the golf travel bag that is right for you? Let’s take a quick look at three different styles to help you make the right choice. Remember, choosing the…
  • 48
    The philosophical views expressed in these twelve pages are not of Sir James Jeans himself. He only has discussed them as the conceivable probabilities ammoniating from the particular situations of science against the inadequacy of its established facts hitherto diverse. These probabilities, however, are exactly in line with the philosophical…
  • 44
    "Corporate Travel Policy Every company has a strict corporate travel policy and at The Travel Team Inc. we excel in finding the best possible deals within the parameters governing business travel for your executives and employees. Our comprehensive corporate travel services are what first earned us a solid reputation and…
  • 44
    Everyone knows that nothing closes a sale better than a free bonus. The problem is, selecting the right bonuses can be time consuming and expensive, plus the extra shipping costs can eat away at profit margins. That's why travel incentives are the perfect solution for both Internet-based and physical businesses.…
  • 44
    Avoid all the grief! Golf clubs are awkward and heavy to lug around - especially when you've already got other luggage to carry. Golf travel cases can make your life easier if you get the proper kind. They're a must have for any golfer who wants to take their clubs…
  • 44
    The lowest and the cheapest travel deals are not always the best deal. Today, travelers could be overwhelmed by the numerous travel deals being offered. Therefore you should weigh all options before choosing the right one in order to get the most out of it. The greatest secret to getting…
  • 43
      Air Travel and vacations, to get on a plane and go somewhere, can be one of life's most rewarding experiences. It's so exciting to contemplate an exotic or relaxing destination, for no other reason than to just get away. Half the fun of air travel and vacations, or any…
  • 43
    I focus a lot on helping the first time or inexperienced traveler head out prepared and confident in themselves. Starting out as a new traveler can be intimidating. How do you jump into the gigantic travel fray and survive? How can you learn to love delays and long lines? Get…
  • 43
    The following is a List that I have gathered through years of experience and research. They don't neccessarily apply to an Outdoor Adventurer. You Pick and choose your priorities according to your destination and the length of your stay. Visithttp://www.thecampingguide.com for more information and the necessary gear for your trip. Gear…
  • 43
    If your vacation time is coming up and you are planning on making a trip, then you will need to make some plans. Perhaps you are going to visit family? Or, maybe you plan to take your family to see an attraction somewhere? Maybe you are going to visit another…
  • 42
    This one is somewhat of a surprise...... Cognigen Travel officially launched June 15, and is ready to be marketed by their 150,000+ independant sales agents. The full service travel site follows Cognigen's successful 15+year old Telecommunications model...offering multiple choices from multiple vendors to customers while including unusually competitive low rates…
  • 42
      For many of us summertime = vacation time. Some people will spend their days off at the local pool. Some may choose to sightsee in their own town. Many will leave behind the comforts of home for the open road. Regardless of the destination or mode of transportation, it…
  • 42
    Do I need travel insurance? In the United States health insurance, unlike many other countries, you can find dozens of Blue Cross Blue Shield plans. Hundreds of regular commercial insurance and so many more health insurance plans like managed-care plans—HMOs, PPOs and PPG's. For some travelers, they may have Medicaid,…
  • 42
    When humidors where first created by Zino Davidoff in the early 20th century, they were large cellar humidors which certainly made for restricted travel. One now had the ability to strive for the perfect cigar, but only from home. Most people would agree that the feasibility of traveling with a…
  • 42
    When humidors where first created by Zino Davidoff in the early 20th century, they were large cellar humidors which certainly made for restricted travel. One now had the ability to strive for the perfect cigar, but only from home. Most people would agree that the feasibility of traveling with a…
  • 42
    A Google search of the word ‘Colorado’ reveals a list of websites ranging from the website of the Government of Colorado to the websites of various educational institutions and universities. Among the diverse tourism websites mentioned, the one that catches your eye is visitcolorado4less.com. A click on the link fills…
  • 42
    So, you’ve decided that you want to travel to Europe within the next year. Fantastic! Your trip is sure to be an exciting learning experience. This article will discuss the key plans you’ll need to make before traveling to Europe, starting from six months outwards. Traveling to Europe - Six…
  • 42
    "Corporate Travel Management Post 9/11 When terrorists shook America and the world with the September 11 attacks of 2009, they didn't just hit the travel industry hard but also changed the way corporate travel management functioned. Post 9/11, corporate travel management in the U.S. has become as much about security…
  • 42
    HELP FOR ROAD WARRIORS Ten Steps to Simplify Travel Travel is a fact of life, whether for business or for pleasure. For many business people, frequent travel is a frequent event. Over time, seasoned travelers have been able to come up with ways to simplify being on the road. However,…
  • 42
    How Do You Become a Travel Writer? Millions of dedicated travelers dream about developing a freelance travel writing career that will allow them to escape to far off lands and bask on exotic beaches for unending days of "research" - all at the expense of a travel magazine and supportive…

Share Your Thoughts

Make A comment

Subscribe By Email for Updates.